yeah, i think i’m gonna start a fresh blog and retire/archive this one.
reminiscence is fine every now and then, but some of the memories associated with this account fully belong in the past; even just browsing here feels like reopening a wound sometimes.
I just want to say I have absolutely 0 sympathy whatsoever for anyone complaining about anything homeless people do. oh you saw human shit on the ground?? hmm maybe it’s because THEY DONT HAVE A TOILET. oh you saw someone cleaning themselves in a public restroom? maybe because THEY DONT HAVE A FUCKING SHOWER. oh no a homeless person is living in a tent and you think it’s ugly?? CRY ABOUT IT IN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE. oh my goodness homeless people sleeping on the ground and they’re in your way!!!! yeah THEY DONT HAVE A BED
if seeing homeless people bothers you that much then good news! you have some choices! 1) let them all live with you in your house! 2) start pressuring your local government to stop criminalizing the homeless and start giving them financial and medical assistance! 3) shut the fuck up and die!
some of you are miserable because you’re mean. like you’re just mean to people and things
“why don’t i have any friends” because you are mean
this can be fixed at least in part very easily though! just stop being mean. i believe in all of you 👍
re-reblogging this with actual advice because sometimes it really isn’t that self-evident how to Not Be Mean
DO
celebrate other people’s good news (tell them that what happened was great, they earned/deserve it, you’re happy for them, elaborate on how it’s a good thing and why they deserve to be happy about it)
sympathize with other people’s troubles (tell them what they’re going through sucks, they did their best, point out that not all is lost (use examples of what they still have going for them) but it can still fucking suck)
react and ask questions related to what people say to you (ask for elaborations or explanations, ask about future plans, ask how things went before, relate the things they’ve said now to things they’ve said in the past, use their name sometimes, add your own (positive or neutral) perspective on the events, share related experiences)
if someone is instigating a fight or pissing you off, just walk away – or, if it’s all online, block them (it’ll make you look better, i promise)
ask about their day/state and pay attention to what they say, and apply the first three as needed
snark or make jokes/puns, if you have them, and be willing to laugh at other people’s jokes/snark/puns
share good events, interesting things, and the things that make you happy/excited (try not to ‘qualify’ these, i.e. add on reasons why you should be sad about the news, or why the news wasn’t actually that great – it’s not the end of the world if you do, but it does defeat the purpose a bit)
share bad events or things you’re unhappy about (it’s important to open up, and it’s unreasonable to expect yourself to be happy all the time; just make sure it’s balanced out by the positives as well)
remember that nobody does things that are senseless, and the sooner you can figure out why someone is doing what they’re doing, the easier it’ll be to deal with and negotiate (common reasons for baffling or harmful actions are: distress, self-interest, misguided altruism, unquestioned biases, peer pressure, thoughtlessness)
keep in mind that everyone (including you) is doing their best at any given time, and sometimes that 'best’ just isn’t that good
TRY NOT TO
be harsh about or insult yourself (keeping in mind that that is taking side swipes at other people who have those traits, regardless of how you mean it)
point out why people should feel bad about the things they’re happy about
ignore all the specifics of what the person you’re speaking with is saying
spend a significant amount of time mocking other people (we all need to vent and we all have our moments; the operative word here is significant – don’t make it your personality)
put down to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity (don’t assume someone is being cruel when they could just as well be doing it because they’re dumb/oblivious)
dismiss or belittle other people’s distress (it’s not a competition, and their distress is real regardless)
dismiss or belittle other people’s happiness or interest (it’s not a competition, and their happiness is something you want in order to Not Be Mean)
(this is both non-exhaustive and not ironclad, simply a list of general things to aim for and skills to practice)
basically, 'people will largely stick by you through pretty dark shit if you make their lives brighter the rest of the time’ is super legit and something to lean into
- i’m in my thirties lol. it’s kinda tight, honestly, feels like i have my shit together sometimes
- jamie is TEN now. he is such a bright, sweet, and talented kid. and we both got electronic drumsets for xmas so we’re gonna learn together hehe
- cj and i have been together for seven years 🥰
- i picked up crochet in 2020 and haven’t put it down since
- new addition to the family! a big dumb sweetie named Buddha, who Logan genuinely treats like a brother
- i fostered a kitten who i found in really bad shape in a taco bell parking lot. she only lived for three more days after her baths and vet visits, but her final days were filled with the love, care, and warmth that she deserved. R.I.P. Chalupa Supreme
-I’M FINALLY OUT OF THE FOOD SERVICE INDUSTRY!!! i worked at a sketchy dog daycare for six months, and now i’m one of the appraisers in a really cool record store. with that said,
- almost every facet of my life has been related to music. i played bass in a signed emo/powerpop band for a little while. getting out of the d.i.y. scene for a minute was kinda surreal; touring, playing in nice venues, and actually getting paid was fuckin sick. after that, i played guitar in a punk band (which is harder than it sounds) and did vocals for an insane system of a down cover set for halloween. my mom didn’t even recognize me in my serj costume at first
this is a very brief summary, but overall, life is good (: in my lane, flourishing, moisturized, etc. see ya next year!
scrolled through my dashboard for the first time in years, and there are about five, maaaybe six people i followed who are still active on this site
who are you what are you up to what’s there to do here now
guess it’s about time for The Annual Update, yeah?
i’m doing my best to get my physical health back in order – exercising, eating well, taking multivitamins, getting enough sleep, all that jazz – and my mental and emotional health have followed suit pretty nicely. also, i didn’t realize what a negative effect weed was having on me until i stopped smoking it ~four months ago (aside from once or twice to combat weird/scary dreams); since then, i’m much more alert and motivated, have energy that isn’t solely caffeine-induced, and don’t come down with The Big Sad as often. next big productivity move: getting rid of my smartphone. i spend way too much time on it, and – while it is convenient – i don’t need 90% of those features on my person at all times. i have a laptop for social media, a gps for my car, and i’m getting an ipod touch for instagram/spotify use at work/camera (still won’t use it as much as a phone since it requires wifi)… t9 texting, we meet again.
still working two jobs but financially doing really well. my credit’s fuckin’ dank, finally paid off my credit card, bulked up my savings accounts, and am only a few months shy of paying off my vehicle. now that i can (probably) pass a drug test, though, ya dude can apply for a big-boy job and get the f u c c out of the restaurant industry 👈😎👉
not doing much musically aside from going to shows sometimes, but i’ve started knitting and making jewelry again. seeing how many people genuinely want to buy and wear some of the stuff i’ve made is super validating, and i’m in the process of rekindling the online store i had a few years ago (but under a different name).
jamie is six years old now and started first grade a couple of weeks ago! he’s reading at a fourth-grade level and is especially interested in dinosaurs, weapons, and cooking with his dad :3 literally the happiest and brightest kid i’ve ever met. speaking of which, alex (jamie’s birthfather) contacted me for the first time in over five years; he apologized for treating me like shit during the pregnancy and for not being involved in our son’s life. to be honest, i’m a little irritated that this conversation didn’t happen sooner, because introducing alex – and now, two half-siblings – is going to be much more difficult now that jamie is older and more cognizant of what’s going on… but also, better late than never, i guess. at least we’re on civil terms now.
it’s crazy to think that cj and i have been together for almost four years now. he’s still as sweet and handsome as the day we met, and i continue to fall even more in love with him every day. we’ve both grown a lot since 2015 and have really established a stable household and family. this is the best relationship i’ve ever had, and i’m truly happy.
and i still love our weird-ass dog. here’s a bonus picture of him being confused by the existence of my friend chloe’s pig:
see y’all next year!
i’m not as angry at everyone/everything as i was when i still actively used this site; going through my old posts and private blogs was kind of a whirlwind and made me realize how well i’m actually doing now
jamie started kindergarten this year and absolutely loves school my dog is rotten af and the best boy ever my mans is still the love of my dang life our band took an amazing two-week tour up the east coast earlier this year with some friends of ours my friends are incredible been working a T O N and kinda trying to fit in some time to take care of my physical health and recreational stuff, but no complaints other than that
on the off-chance anyone actually sees this and wants to keep in touch, feel free to hit me up for my fb/insta/twitter; i’m not super active on those, either, but i’m funny sometimes
welp, it’s that time of year where i remember tumblr exists and feel compelled to give the ~annual update~
• i moved again. auburn got old, and i now live in a cool place where there’s more to do than just watch football and drink.
• my parents moved to a better place, too; hell, they don’t even live in alabama anymore.
• i’ve been in three different bands this year (two of whom have toured multiple states, one that got started up kinda recently). i’ve been doing more stuff musically, seeing new places, making a bunch of friends, and just generally broadening my horizons; it’s tight.
• i started seeing a therapist on a semi-regular basis, and it really helped me overcome some previous trauma and severe depression. she’s an absolute sweetheart and still texts me occasionally to see how i’m doing.
• jamie is FOUR AND A HALF now. he is still a happy and healthy boy and gets even brighter every time i see him. i can tell that he’s beginning to understand my relationship to him, because he introduced me to a lady at his church as “another one of [his] moms” (and it took everything in me to not cry happy tears right then and there).
• i am loved and in love… like, hard as fuck. my partner and i are going on two years, and there is still no one i would rather live/work/cuddle/play music/tour/pop blackheads/smoke hella we’d/eat like garbage with. my family loves him, and i love his. idk dude it was just kinda meant to be
